Aight, I've thought about thinking about it...

... and I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna call the modeling agent tomorrow and have a talk with her and ask her what's expected of me. I'll see if I can meet those standards. She already told me what shape she'd like me in so I decided to make a goal for myself. I don't know if I'll meet the agency's goals but I figure I can use this opportunity as motivation to push myself to the limit with a new diet and workout regime. This is going to take a lot of discipline and that's what I want to measure: my level of discipline and commitment. I've developed a new workout that is gonna consist of 2 workouts a day for 5 days a week and other exercises that will take up the other 2 days. Basically I'll be exercising 6-7 days a week. I can limit junk food like McD's to one meal a week and it's still gotta have protein in it, like a burger or sumthin. It can't be too abundant though. Other than that I can only eat chicken and fish (YUK!!!) and it can't be fried. I can't have any dressing on anything, including salads and I have to increase my food consumption to 5-7 meals a day. Those meals will be significantly smaller than the 3 I'd normally eat, though. I'm throwing out all the food I can't eat from my pantry and fridge tonight and going shopping for healthier shit tomorrow. White bread and rice is being replaced with wheat and brown rice, 2% milk with skim, cheesecake with... fruits **startin to get teary eyed cuz I have to give up cheesecake** -Prayer: God, please give me the strength I need. You know how I like to eat... especially cheesecake- I'm gonna have to cook almost all my meals too so I can have a better idea of what's entering my system. On top of that, I'm stocking up on supplements like protein and metabolic enhancers that my homeboy recommended. I have to admit, I'm nervous cuz this is such a change for me. I'm used to eating anything I want. Now I have to curb all that. I also have to regulate the amount of time I sleep. It turns out that a full night's sleep helps one's muscles and metabolism develop better, and since I have to wake up earlier than before to go running every morning then come home and cook breakfast, I have to go to bed madd early.

Regarding my nervousness, what gets me nervous isn't getting that modeling gig (cuz I aint expecting that to happen to be honest), it's not having enough discipline to stay on this strict diet and workout regime for the next 4 months. I'm excited however cuz I look at this as an adventure. I'm going to get to see what I'm made of; I have to cook more, I have to wake up super fukkin early, I have to make sure to exercise every single day, I have to watch what I eat, I have to look temptation (cheesecake) right in the face (it's straaaawberry and whip cream covered face...mmmmm) and fight it off. It's like I'm going to discover, or rediscover, another side of me. The Marines taught me discipline but they told me what to do. I couldn't deviate cuz they'd ride me about it. College taught me another kind of discipline cuz at UNO (Univ of New Orleans) they don't ride you if you start to fail; they'll just let you slip. It's up to you to make the grade. My future acted as a big motivational force though. Here, this is driven by want: How bad do I want this? This is my only motivational force which means it's going to take more discipline than anything. Wish me luck yall, cuz that damn cheescake is gonna be the Devil when it comes to temptation.... MMMMmmmmm, cheeeeesecaaaaake (in Homer Simpson voice).