Mr and Mrs Corporate America
I was reading a blog about a woman who is on her way to being a top notch lawyer. She's described as being social, very intelligent, a born leader, and very independent. Her issue is that she can't find a date. The blog's author wonders why.
I won't speak for all men but I was married to a born leader with a bright future in corporate America before her and I tell you, all that success comes at a price. People with that much ambition usually have to work extremely long hours. A lot of guys think that Ms Corporate America is what they want because they'll get to bask in their ladies' success and glory but trust me, it takes much more work to make a relationship like that work. There's more to being proud of your spouse's accomplishments. You've also got to sacrifice time with them, sacrifice dinners with them, getaways, lazy weekends, etc. and if you've got children, those kids are going to have to sacrifice time with that parent also. How much are you really willing to sacrifice? Most people I know will say "a lot" but trust me, until you get there, that's when you really find out how hard it is.
At first it's cool. You bring her lunch or dinner to her office, you spend time on the phone because she can't leave her desk, you plan romantic getaways for a night or two because you've hardly seen each other due to work, you make plans for sex, etc. But trust me, that shit gets old. Eventually you get tired of adapting your relationship to their job's demands, having dinner alone at home, or taking care of the kids all by yourself. It's one thing if that's a temporary thing, like during college, but when it's your career, that's pretty much a permanent lifestyle. The reality is that this is how your life is going to be until it's time to retire and who wants to wait until then to enjoy their marriage? It doesn't take all that sacrifice to raise a good family, it takes that much sacrifice to enhance your career and to make a lot of money. I don't see putting in an insurmountable amount of hours at the office as doing it for the family, I really don't. They only need so much financial security, after that what they really need is your time, and from having been there, I don't want a woman that will be completely wrapped up in her career. In exchange I'm willing to make the same sacrifice for her. I want to be there for her, I want to stay home and help her out when she's sick, I want to be flexible enough to take the kids to the doctor without looking at it as a burden of parenthood, I want to not take my work home with me so I can concentrate on my wife and kids, I want to have my weekends reserved for them, and I want all of that in return. Trust me, it's not impossible, you just have to make your family a goal in life and sacrifice some money and some success. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, I'd say it would help bring the negative state of the world down by supplying your kids, our future generation, with the attention they need. It would show your family how much they mean to you.
Then there's the case of losing your identity. My marriage had two leaders, my wife and myself. As I should have predicted, a power struggle ensued. We thought we were going to be able to handle taking turns with decision making, sharing the power, etc and it turned out to be a much harder task than expected. Initially it's easy but when you've got two born leaders in a house, eventually they want to call the shots all the time. They'll see themselves as not being able to make decisions on things they feel are important, start weighing how much power they truly have on the household, or will individually want to change plans that they made together but can't because an agreement had already been made between the two. Next thing you know you're arguing over who should have more control, the money maker or the one who takes care of the issues at home. Trust me, it's not an easy thing to balance. If both parties are sacrificers then most likely neither of them is home much. Neither will want to sacrifice their time at the office because they are both driven by the fuel of success and arguements over who should take the kids to get their shots or who should stay at home with them arise.
It's been shown that work place affairs often arise because so many hours are spent at the office versus the home. Nobody ever plans on affairs but they do occur and at a pretty high percentage, so trust me, no one is safe. Think about it, you're exposed to other people whom you may find very attractive who are driven as much as you and you spend way more time with them than with your spouse. Over a period of years of being married, the marriage becomes somewhat monotonous, things become routine, and you've tried all the getaways, the marriage counseling, the one night a week reserved for each other, etc and it's all gotten old. You've done it all. If your love is strong enough (which everyone who gets married naively thinks theirs is) then it can withstand the trials of dullness but many people can't help but to feel the closeness brought on towards a coworker and the rift that's been created in their marriage and they end up hooking up with that other person. As negative as I may sound, it's the sad truth; the proof is in the high percentage of adultery being committed in the work place.
In conclusion, a strong drive to succeed is a very attractive trait in a person but it takes a lot of sacrifice to feed that drive and beinging with that person is not easy. You're going to have to sacrifice with them. Again, many people are blinded by that drive. It looks so good at first and second glance but once you've been around it for years, all the sacrificing for your significant other's career gets old and you start to wonder where you stand in this person's life. You've had to forfeit so much time for them so that THEY can feel accomplished, it's only a matter of time before that takes it's toll on the relationship. Again, the couple's love, compatibility, and strength to remain faithful to their love will determine the outcome of the relationship, but trust me, the attraction to one's ambitions to succeed can fade just easily as their looks.
I won't speak for all men but I was married to a born leader with a bright future in corporate America before her and I tell you, all that success comes at a price. People with that much ambition usually have to work extremely long hours. A lot of guys think that Ms Corporate America is what they want because they'll get to bask in their ladies' success and glory but trust me, it takes much more work to make a relationship like that work. There's more to being proud of your spouse's accomplishments. You've also got to sacrifice time with them, sacrifice dinners with them, getaways, lazy weekends, etc. and if you've got children, those kids are going to have to sacrifice time with that parent also. How much are you really willing to sacrifice? Most people I know will say "a lot" but trust me, until you get there, that's when you really find out how hard it is.
At first it's cool. You bring her lunch or dinner to her office, you spend time on the phone because she can't leave her desk, you plan romantic getaways for a night or two because you've hardly seen each other due to work, you make plans for sex, etc. But trust me, that shit gets old. Eventually you get tired of adapting your relationship to their job's demands, having dinner alone at home, or taking care of the kids all by yourself. It's one thing if that's a temporary thing, like during college, but when it's your career, that's pretty much a permanent lifestyle. The reality is that this is how your life is going to be until it's time to retire and who wants to wait until then to enjoy their marriage? It doesn't take all that sacrifice to raise a good family, it takes that much sacrifice to enhance your career and to make a lot of money. I don't see putting in an insurmountable amount of hours at the office as doing it for the family, I really don't. They only need so much financial security, after that what they really need is your time, and from having been there, I don't want a woman that will be completely wrapped up in her career. In exchange I'm willing to make the same sacrifice for her. I want to be there for her, I want to stay home and help her out when she's sick, I want to be flexible enough to take the kids to the doctor without looking at it as a burden of parenthood, I want to not take my work home with me so I can concentrate on my wife and kids, I want to have my weekends reserved for them, and I want all of that in return. Trust me, it's not impossible, you just have to make your family a goal in life and sacrifice some money and some success. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, I'd say it would help bring the negative state of the world down by supplying your kids, our future generation, with the attention they need. It would show your family how much they mean to you.
Then there's the case of losing your identity. My marriage had two leaders, my wife and myself. As I should have predicted, a power struggle ensued. We thought we were going to be able to handle taking turns with decision making, sharing the power, etc and it turned out to be a much harder task than expected. Initially it's easy but when you've got two born leaders in a house, eventually they want to call the shots all the time. They'll see themselves as not being able to make decisions on things they feel are important, start weighing how much power they truly have on the household, or will individually want to change plans that they made together but can't because an agreement had already been made between the two. Next thing you know you're arguing over who should have more control, the money maker or the one who takes care of the issues at home. Trust me, it's not an easy thing to balance. If both parties are sacrificers then most likely neither of them is home much. Neither will want to sacrifice their time at the office because they are both driven by the fuel of success and arguements over who should take the kids to get their shots or who should stay at home with them arise.
It's been shown that work place affairs often arise because so many hours are spent at the office versus the home. Nobody ever plans on affairs but they do occur and at a pretty high percentage, so trust me, no one is safe. Think about it, you're exposed to other people whom you may find very attractive who are driven as much as you and you spend way more time with them than with your spouse. Over a period of years of being married, the marriage becomes somewhat monotonous, things become routine, and you've tried all the getaways, the marriage counseling, the one night a week reserved for each other, etc and it's all gotten old. You've done it all. If your love is strong enough (which everyone who gets married naively thinks theirs is) then it can withstand the trials of dullness but many people can't help but to feel the closeness brought on towards a coworker and the rift that's been created in their marriage and they end up hooking up with that other person. As negative as I may sound, it's the sad truth; the proof is in the high percentage of adultery being committed in the work place.
In conclusion, a strong drive to succeed is a very attractive trait in a person but it takes a lot of sacrifice to feed that drive and beinging with that person is not easy. You're going to have to sacrifice with them. Again, many people are blinded by that drive. It looks so good at first and second glance but once you've been around it for years, all the sacrificing for your significant other's career gets old and you start to wonder where you stand in this person's life. You've had to forfeit so much time for them so that THEY can feel accomplished, it's only a matter of time before that takes it's toll on the relationship. Again, the couple's love, compatibility, and strength to remain faithful to their love will determine the outcome of the relationship, but trust me, the attraction to one's ambitions to succeed can fade just easily as their looks.
The Saga was recounted at 10:24 AM
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