Spit it out!!!

I'm going to take Brutha-free's advice and spit out what's on my damn chest... Thanx for the inspiration, Brutha-free. I hope this don't bother nobody:

I miss having simplicity in life. I want to just go to work, then hit the gym, then just go pick up my kid and just finish off the day spending it with him.

I'm so fukkin tired of worrying about my appearance. I want to be healthy, in good shape, and just happy with what I see in the mirror.

I'm tired of of having strong feelings for someone and not being able to do anything about it. My inability to trust and lack of faith prevents me from carrying on to anything productive... but maybe I don't need anything productive. Maybe i just need solitude and all this time i've been trying to find comfort in a woman's arms.

I'm tired of being in an emotional triangle. Aside from Ms Prof, I was also dating a girl that I felt hesitant to trust. I'd been dating her much longer and we bonded waaaay beyond what I was ready for. Now she and I have fallen out, she lost her temper, and made a rude (for lack of a better word) call to Ms Prof after having gone through my list in my cell. To add to this, she's asking and asking for forgiveness for losing her temper. It's not easy ignoring our past ties when she asks for forgiveness. Now I know how many women feel when they want to get on with their lives but emotions hold them back.

I'm tired of being emotionally tied all together. I just want simplicity in life and to have fun. I miss those days.

I'm tired of being looked at as the kind of guy a woman commits to. Whatever happened to the days of me being the kind a woman just looks at for a good time? It would save people from being hurt after I "drop their ass".

I'm tired of fearing the possibility of having a midlife crisis. I have a feeling that it's going to hit me hard, hard, haaard due to not having done enough shit in the streets and in school.

I'm tired of planning to rebuild my project car and not being able to start making something happen. I'm about to take out a fukkin loan and do it all at once. I want that bitch finished before I hit 30. **I'll be turning 28 on the 24th**

I'm tired of hittin the gym religiously and not making enough progress considering how hard I've hit that MUTHA-FFFUKKA!!!

I'm tired of being in this bitch ass, poor ass, corrupt ass, fake ass, ignant ass, low educated ass, non productive ass, ghetto ass city/state!!!! I'm so ready to move but I can't cuz I don't want to have my son living in two cities. GAAAWD I want to experience other parts of this country!!!

The thing is, when I look at my life, I have it so fukkin good. These things are just fukkin with me and preventing me from enjoying the things around me. I need to chill with all this shit cuz otherwise I'll look back on my 20's as years of mental torture and I should really be enjoying them cuz I ain't gonna gettin'em back. In fact, that's what I'm gonna fukkin do. After all this venting, I'm realizing that I need to change the way I think. I need to quit worrying about being able to trust someone and just live my life. Again, I'm telling myself to just... live... life:

The Saga,

You make good money, you own a nice home, you got a nice ride, your son loves you sooo much and you love him, you no longer fight with your ex behind bullshit, soon you'll be able to start investing and become part of this country's financial world, you just got a raise, you've got enough experience to start looking for a more fulfilling job, you got enough street experience where nobody really fux with you, you're professional enough that people can't look down on you, you got a degree, you no longer have any credit card debt... THE WORLD IS YOURS, SAGA!!!! Cut your loose ties and carry on with your life, Blood.